Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "You know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn't bend it with either of my hands.

By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem.

I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?"

"Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

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Medical test 4 marriage

A 90-year old man announces his intention to marry a woman of 30. He is persuaded to have a medical exam first.

"Everyone tells me I need a checkup to see if I'm sexually fit," he says to the doctor.

"O.K,." says the medic, "Let me see your sex organs."

So the old guy sticks out his tongue and his middle finger.

The Only One

On their wedding night, Bruce displays his member to his new virgin bride and tells her it's the only one in the world. She, of course, believes him.

He's gone for a conference for a couple of weeks. He returns, only to be questioned by his new wife.

"Bruce," she says, "I thought you said you had the only one in the world. But Harry at the drug store has one too."

"Well, er," Bruce flusters, "Harry and I were in the war together, I had two, so I gave him one of mine."

"Oh. Well, why did you give him the better one?"


A young girl sees her grandfather in the shower and asks him, "What are those between your legs?"

"Those are the apples of the tree of life," he tells her, by way of poetic concealment.

Impressed, the girl then tells this to her grandmother, who replies, "Did he mention anything about that dead branch they're hanging from?"

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