Speech

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are all to give speaches to the Deaf Society. All are keen to make an impression on their audience.

The Englishman goes first and to the surprise of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his chest and then his groin. When he finishes the Scotsman and Irishman ask him what he was doing.

Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen. So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Scotsman thought to himself I'll go one better than that English bastard and started his speech by making an antler symbol with his fingers above his head before also rubbing his chest and his groin.

When he finished his colleagues asked what he was doing. "Well" he explained" By imitating antlers and then rubbing my chest and groin I was starting my speech by saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".

On his way up to the podium the Irishman thought to himself I'll go one further than those mainland bastards and started his speech by making an antler symbol above his head, rubbing his chest, and then his groin, and then masturbating
furiously.

When he finished his colleagues asked him what he was doing. "Well" he explained," by imitating antlers, rubbing my chest and then my groin and then masturbating I was starting my speech by saying - Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."




More Sexy Jokes

National Condom Week

"List Of Possible Slogans Promoting National Condom Week"

1. Cover your stump before you hump.

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

3. Don't be silly, protect your willy.

4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.

5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.

6. You cant go wrong, if you shield your dong.

7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

11. She wont get sick if you wrap your dick.

12. If you go in to heat, package your meat.

13. While you undressing Venus, dress up your penis.

14. When you take off her pants and blouse, slip up your trouser mouse.

15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.

17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.

18. The right selection will protect your erection.

19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.

20. A crank with armor will never harm her.

21. No glove, no love!

Safe sex

Q: Whats the most important question you have to ask if you want to have safe sex?

A: "What time will your husband get home?"

Triplets Resolve

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber.

He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied, "So," he said proudly, "I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here and spitting on us.

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