A man with a bad stomach complaint goes to his doctor and asks him what he can do. The doctor replies that the illness is quite serious but can be cured by inserting a suppository up his anal passage.
The man agrees, and so the doctor warns him of the pain, tells him to bend over and shoves the thing way up his behind. The doctor then hands him a second dose and tells him to do the same thing in six hours.
So, the man goes home and later that evening tries to get the second suppository inserted, but he finds that he cannot reach himself properly to obtain the required depth. He calls his wife over and tells her what to do. The wife nods, puts one hand on his shoulder to steady him and with the other shoves the medicine home.
Suddenly the man screams, "DAMN!"
"What's the matter?" asks the wife. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," replies the man, "but I just realized that when the doctor did that, he had BOTH hands on my shoulders!"
More Medical Jokes
A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have to come back in six months for a follow- up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I don't want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers: "There is a new procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which pulls the skin up, and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. " It's the worst mistake I've ever made.
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these bags under my eyes!" she hollers.
"Lady," the doctor retorts, "those aren't bags, those are your breasts!!! And if you don't leave that screw alone, you're going to have a beard!"
Wife goes to a doc and asks crys out for help."doc, doc..my husband is 300% impotent"
Doc says" I don't understand 300%?"
Wife says "u know about the first 100%, now he!s gone and cut his finger and burnt his tongue!
A woman went to her doctor for a follow-up visit after the doctor had prescribed testosterone (a male hormone) for her. She was a little worried about some of the side effects she was experiencing.
"Doctor, the hormones you've been giving me have really helped, but I'm afraid that you're giving me too much. I've started growing hair in places that I've never grown hair before."
The doctor reassured her. "A little hair growth is a perfectly normal side effect of testosterone. Just where has this hair appeared?"
"On my balls."