A man died and went to God.
GOD: I have no place for you in heaven. If you want you may go to hell or back down to earth.
MAN: I'll go back down to earth but make me something that has wings and that can suck blood.
So then God makes the man something that has wings and that can suck blood... a mosquito.
One day the mosquito dies and goes to God
GOD: I have no place for you in heaven. if you want you may go to hell or go back down to earth.
Mosquito: I'll go back down to earth but make me something that has wings and can suck blood.
So then God makes the mosquito something that has wings and can suck blood... a vampire
One day the vampire dies and goes to God.
GOD: I still have no place for you in heaven if you want you may to hell or back down to earth.
Vampire: I'll go back down to earth, but make me something that has wings and can suck blood.
GOD : ok
GOD:(thinking) what the hell can I make him now???
God makes him a whisper ultra pad.....................
These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,
but I only slept with you, because I was pissed
I thought that I could love no other,
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace,
If only you could hide your face.
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot,
This describes everything you are not.
I want to feel your sweet embrace,
But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
Marrying you screwed up my life.
I see your face when I am dreaming,
That's why I always wake up screaming.
My feelings for you no words can tell,
Except for maybe "go to hell".
What inspired this amorous rhyme?,
Two parts vodka, one part lime!.
More Funny Jokes
A man died and went to God.
At one local church, Joe was in charge of taking up the offerings.
One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he questioned Joe. He told him that it did not seem enough for the size of the congregation. Joe said that he did not take any of the offering. The priest again questioned him and again he said that he did not take any of the offering. So the priest said "get in the confessional" which Joe did.
Then the priest asked him did you take any of the offering and this time he said "I can't hear you". Again the priest asked "Joe did you take any of the
offering?" Again Joe answered "I can't hear you". This time the priest yelled "JOE DID YOU TAKE ANY OF THE OFFERING" Again Joe answered "I can't hear you". By this time the priest was getting a little angry so he came out of the confessional and said "Joe trade places with me and you can ask me a question."
So they traded places and Joe asked "I hear that you and my wife are having an affair, is that true?" To which the priest answered "By Golly you can't hear in here"