As I lay me down to sleep
I pray for a woman, who's very cheap.
One who's sexy, blonde and long.
Who notices that she's mostly wrong.
One who sucks and doesn't speak.
And promises to do so, once a week.
I pray that she is very randy,
'Cause one like that would come in handy.
Opens her leg and lies on the floor,
And once I'm done, she begs for more.
Oh, send me a woman who will not play with my mind.
Who knows what she wants and that's lots from behind!
One who'll make love till my body's a twitchin'
And brings ME a beer, when she comes from the kitchen!
I pray that she'll last right up to the end,
And would never complain when I do her best friend.
Thanks in advance and you know I can't wait,
so I'll screw all the rest 'cause it's never too late.
In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?"
"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.
Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"
After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and was walking out of the class.
However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."
More Sexy Jokes
As I lay me down to sleep
Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting that he can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
"Mommy, mommy! I was at the playground, and daddy and..."
Mommy tells him to slow down, and that she wants to hear the story.
So Johnny tells her: "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss. Then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and... "then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the sex counselor suggested that they vary their positions.
"For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheel barrel. Lift her legs from behind and off you go."
The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home.
"Well, okay," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions - First, if it hurts, you will stop right away. And second," she continued, "you have to promise we won't go past my mother's house."