The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

Good: Your wife is pregnant.
Bad: She's having triplets.
Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

Good: Your wife is not talking to you.
Bad: She wants a divorce.
Ugly: She's a lawyer.

Good: Your son is finally maturing.
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door.
Ugly: So are you.

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad: You find several pornographic movies hidden there.
Ugly: You're in them.

Good: Your son understands fashion.
Bad: He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly: He looks better than your wife.

Good: Your daughter got a new job.
Bad: As a hooker.
Ugly: Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way Ugly: She makes more money than you do.

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Dark In Here

A mother is having sex with her lover. Her son comes in, so she locks him in the closet. Shortly thereafter she hears her husband come home. She immediately locks her lover also in the closet.

"Dark in here," the boy says to his mother's love.

"Yeah," the man replies.

"I have a baseball here. Do you want it? It costs only 250 bucks," says the boy.

The man thought what the hell and paid up.

Next night the boy is again locked in the closet with the lover.

"Dark in here," the boy says.

"Yeah," the man replies.

"Do you want a baseball glove?" the boy asks.

The man bought it for 750 bucks.

The next day the father says, "Son, lets go to play baseball!"

The boy replies, "I sold my baseball and glove for a 1000 bucks!"

The father becomes upset and says, "You should not overcharge your friends like that. I'm going to take you to the Confessional."

His father drops him off at the Confessional.

"Dark in here," the boy says.

"Oh, for heavens sake, don't start that again," says the priest!

The Priest & His Cock

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out behind the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.

One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing, and because the priest had heard that cock fights occurred in the village, he decided to question his parishioners about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anybody got a cock?"

All the men stood up.

"No, No, " he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?"

All the women stood up.

"No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, No", he said, "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen MY cock?"

All the nuns, and the two priests stood up.

Biology Class

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (FRESHMAN) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar in male semen?"

"That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info.

Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?"

After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and was walking out of the class.

However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat."

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