A guy with a huge dick has a lot of trouble trying to get a girl. When they see the size of his pecker they make their excuses and leave. So he thinks of a cunning plan, meets a hooker and asks her, "Do you mind if we do it my way?"

"What way is that?" she asks.

"Oh, I would just like you to wear a blindfold" he replies.

"Is that all? No problem - let's go to my place," she answers.

They walk the short distance to her apartment. Whilst taking off their clothes he puts the blindfold on her.

"Why do you want me to wear a blindfold?" she asks.

"Because of my religion" he answers.

"What religion is that?" she asks.

"I'm an agnostic," he says, getting on top of her.

"Hmmm - an agnostic - I've heard of those - you're one of those people who doesn't believe in.......JESUS CHRIST!

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Family Planning

In 1983, China launched an extensive 12 month program that was carefully designed to teach the fundamentals of birth control to the rural populace. Doctors and nurses were televised demonstrating the use of condoms and birth control pills. The people were encouraged to faithfully practice these techniques.

The following year, the program was declared a complete failure; the birth rate had actually increased.

The experts were puzzled, until a survey was conducted. The survey revealed that most of the rural Chinese people were faithfully following the birth control techniques; 79% of the men were taking the pill every day, and 98% of them were carefully putting a condom on their index fingers before sex - just as demonstrated on TV.

Revolver or Watch?

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying, so he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson, I wanna you lissin to me. I wanna for you to take my chrome plated 38 revolver so you will always remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns, ... how about leaving me your Rolex watch instead, the grandson insisted."

The grandpa on hearing this gets a bit pissed and says "You lissin to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da bussiness, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambini. Am I right?"

"Yes grandpa, I guess so."

"Ok, so soma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife in bed with another man. Whada you gonna do then? Pointa to da watch and say, ... TIMES UP!"

Five Couples Getting Naughty

A farmer had five female pigs and, as times were hard, he had decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. While at the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs.

After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles away from one another and so they agreed to drive thirty miles and find a field in which to mate their pigs.

The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 AM, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle they had, and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"

The other farmer replied, "If they're in the grass grazing in the morning, then they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, then they're not." The next morning they were rolling in the mud, so he hosed them off, loaded them again into the family station wagon and proceeded to try again.

This continued each morning the following week until one morning the farmer was so tired that he couldn't get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me if the pigs are in the mud or in the field."

"Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn!"

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