Take With Food
A man was suffering from impotence, so he went to see a specialist. The doctor gave him a prescription that he was to take faithfully three times a day, and always with food.
A couple of days later, the man was at a formal banquet and didn't want any of the other guests to spot and possibly identify his pink and purple capsule of medication. So, he instructed the waiter to empty the capsule into his soup, thinking he could eat his soup openly with everyone else, take his medication, and preserve his privacy all at the same time.
However, when the soup was served everyone received a bowl of it but the man, who began feeling conspicuous and angry. He confronted the waiter and asked why he hadn't been served his 'special' soup.
"Well, sir, I poured your medication into your bowl as instructed. Since then, I have been waiting for the noodles to lie down."
More Medical Jokes
Doctor Dave slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:
"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Let it go..."
But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality:
"Dave, you're a vet..."
A guy goes to the doctor complaining about a headache he's had since adulthood. "Doc, this headache is killing me, every single day of my life, from the time I wake up to the time I go to bed. And I tell you, you are the 20th doctor I visit and no one has ever found the problem."
So the doctor goes through some procedures and finds out that the gentleman has a rare condition, so rare that no statistics were ever kept.
The doctor then delivers the bad news: "Your problem is that your testicles are pressing up against the base of your spine and that's what's causing your head to ache." He continued, "The only solution I see is castration."
The man goes crazy and leaves the clinic saying that it would never happen. After 10 months and 10 more doctors, he returns for the surgery. The day after, the first with no headache whatsoever, he is released from the hospital feeling like a new man ready for a change in his life, starting with his wardrobe.
He stops by a department store and with the help of a salesperson, he starts shopping.
"How about a shirt? For you I'll guess neck 36, sleeves 34." And it fits perfectly. The man is amused by the salesman's accuracy.
"And what about some pants? Let me guess 36, right?" And he was right!
"I can't believe it, how do you know?" the man asks.
"It's my job," the salesman replies with certain arrogance. "And how about some shoes; 9½, correct?" And once again he was right.
"You are a genius."
"It's just my job." So the salesman keeps pushing and he tries to sell more. "How about some underwear? Let me get some 36s for you!"
"Hey, I knew it, you had to be wrong at least once. Since I started buying my own underwear, I'm using 34."
"I'm sorry sir, but it's my job and I know you should be wearing size 36."
"Sorry, you are wrong, I'm 34 on my underwear."
And the salesperson, trying to be as polite as he could, says: "I am sorry sir, but you must be crazy! If you wear 34 your testicles are going to press against the base of your spine, and it's going to give you such a headache that you'll wish you had your testicles cut off!"
A man went to a doctor to treat his baldness. The man didn't had a single hair on his head. The doctor told him there are three ways before you.
1. Try acupuncture...It will be painful and I can't guarantee you 100% satisfaction.
2. Try Homoeopathy...That too may not work for this 'great head'.
3. This method is the surest one...Apply female secretions on your head, definitely you will get rid of your problem."
Satisfied, he was about to go and then he noticed that the doctor is also having a 'mirror head'.
He asked the doc ,"why don't you try this method?"
Doctor snorted, "I may not have hair on my head, but can't you see that I am having a hell of moustache...!!!