Deaf Mute !

Deaf Mute !

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from a far he finally gets up the courage to talk to her.

Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.

Saturday night the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy. To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable, as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his armchair watching cricket on TV, and Mum is busy knitting.

After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mum jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her backside. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye.

The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening.

The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room. At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"

"No, its not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match-stick by his eye."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The man can't believe her casual response.

"Mum was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, f**k him - I'm watching the match.'

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Water Sex

A Lady asks a Tyre-Mechanic " Comeon, let's have sex !!!"
Mechanic reply "Then, please get into water"

"Why do you need water to have sex? "
"Coz, I can identify holes only in water!!!"

Most times in one night

Which of them can have sex the most times in one night?

There are these two friends, a white guy and a black guy. One evening, they're in a bar arguing over which of them can have sex the most times in one night. They decide to settle the issue by going to the local whorehouse and gathering experimental evidence, as it were.

So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a couple of the ladies, and go to their respective rooms. The white guy energetically balls his whore and, reaching up with a pencil, makes a "| " mark on the wall. Then he falls asleep.

He wakes up in a couple of hours and screws the whore again, albeit a little less enthusiastically this time. Again, he reaches back and marks a " | " on the wall. Again, he falls asleep.

He wakes up again in a couple of hours and lethargically humps the hooker again. He drowsily marks another " | " on the wall and falls asleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, the black guy barges into the white guy's room to see how he did. He takes one look at the wall and exclaims, "A hundred and eleven?! Damn! You beat me by three."

The Gift

While purchasing some condoms, the young man remarked with a smile, "I'm giving my girl a birthday present tonight."

"Yes, sir," smiled the drug clerk. Then he added, forcing a straight face, "Would you perhaps like these gift-wrapped?"

"That wouldn't make much sense," said the customer "They ARE the gifts wrapping."

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