The Effect of a Kiss
Here's to the girl that I kissed last.
She didn't kiss slowly nor did she kiss fast.
But she kissed so long and she kissed so sweet.
She made things stand that had no feet.
A Jewish girl came home one day and said, "Mom, I got married."
Her mother said, "Oh, that's great."
The girl said, "But, Mom, he's an Arab."
Her mother said, "Oy, that's not so great."
The girl said, "But he's an Arab sheik. He's wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You and Daddy are going to live in the lap of luxury for the rest of your lives."
This Sheik had put up the girls folks in a huge posh villa and they left for Arab.
Six months later, the Jewish girl walked into the house and said, "Mom, I love my Arab sheik, but my God, all he wants to do is screw me in my ass. Day and night, all he'll do is bang me in the ass. When I got married, my asshole was like a dime. Now it's like a silver dollar."
Her mother said, "So for 90 cents you're going to make trouble?"
More Sexy Jokes
The Effect of a Kiss
Two farmers, Joe and Bob, lived as neighbors, but didn't like each other much. In 1989, there was a period of -30 degree centigrade cold and Bob and Joe had nothing to do because of it. So they bet a bottle of vodka who can sit out on the window ledge the longest with a bare ass.
After two hours Bob's wife came home and asked Bob, "What are you doing?"
Bob explained and she said, "Come on... you will only freeze your ass off."
Bob refused as he wanted to win the bet.
Then his wife got an idea. "Let's change places when Joe is looking the other way."
Bob's wife put on the same kind of pullover and cap and traded places with Bob.
Half an hour later Joe's wife came home and asked him, "What are you doing?"
Joe told her and said, "I am determined to win the bottle!"
"You are crazy. Come on in."
"Certainly not, I am already on the winning side. Bob lost his balls half an hour ago!"
A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from a far he finally gets up the courage to talk to her.
Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.
Saturday night the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy. To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes."
With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable, as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his armchair watching cricket on TV, and Mum is busy knitting.
After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mum jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her backside. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye.
The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening.
The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room. At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"
"No, its not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match-stick by his eye."
"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The man can't believe her casual response.
"Mum was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, f**k him - I'm watching the match.'