Christmas Shopping

Christmas Shopping

A rich man and a poor man were Christmas shopping for their wives. The poor man asked the rich man what he was getting his wife.

"I'm getting her a mink coat and a Porche. I figure if she doesn't like the mink coat, she'll like the Porche.

What about you?".

The poor man replied "I'm getting her a pair of slippers and a dildo. I figure that if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."

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Car Salesman

A car salesman was trying to sell this great car to a client. "Look, this car never fails. See all these buttons on the dashboard... They keep your car going."

"What's the red button for ?"

"Well.. eh.. look, the car really never fails. With this silver button you can calibrate your steering."

"Ok, but the red button?"

"Well, it's eh.. You know, never for a second will this car let you down. It'll do its job day and night, in hot and cold weather, always."


"Well, you know, imagine that in the unbelievable and impossible case your car might seem to fail, you push this red button and off you go again."

"So this car .... can fail"

"No", said the salesman, "Look, a man can't get pregnant, but in the unbelievable and impossible case that he MIGHT get pregnant ... he already has nipples."

Fancy Dress Party

A couple was going to a costume party. The husband was unsure of what costume to wear. His wife was telling him to hurry or they would be late for the party. She was walking down the stairs from the bedroom, completely naked except on her feet were a big old floppy pair of boots.

"Where is your costume?" the husband asked.

"This is it," replied his wife.

"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the husband.

"Why, I am going as Puss and Boots," explains the wife. "Now hurry and get your costume on."

The husband went upstairs and was back in about two minutes. He also was completely naked except he had a rose vase slid over his penis.

"What the heck kind of costume is that?" asked the wife.

"I am a fire alarm," he replied.

"A fire alarm?" she repeated laughing.

"Yes," he replied. "In case of fire break the glass, pull twice and I come."

90 Cents

A Jewish girl came home one day and said, "Mom, I got married."

Her mother said, "Oh, that's great."

The girl said, "But, Mom, he's an Arab."

Her mother said, "Oy, that's not so great."

The girl said, "But he's an Arab sheik. He's wealthy beyond your wildest dreams. You and Daddy are going to live in the lap of luxury for the rest of your lives."

This Sheik had put up the girls folks in a huge posh villa and they left for Arab.

Six months later, the Jewish girl walked into the house and said, "Mom, I love my Arab sheik, but my God, all he wants to do is screw me in my ass. Day and night, all he'll do is bang me in the ass. When I got married, my asshole was like a dime. Now it's like a silver dollar."

Her mother said, "So for 90 cents you're going to make trouble?"

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