An Egg

So you think your life is bad...
Just think how bad the life of an egg is...

You only get laid once
You only get eaten once
It takes 4 minutes to get hard and
2 minutes to get soft
You have to share a box with
11 other guys
And the only chick that ever sat on
your face was your mother

Now don't you feel better?

Hell no!

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3 T-Shirts

A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display. The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It is entitled "Not Milk."

English teacher

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face.

She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?"

"Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!"

The mother is stunned. "You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."

Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher."

"That's right, Dad."

"Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for."

"That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

Blowing Bubbles

Two girls and a guy are trespassing in a farmers field, and the farmer catches them, and decides to take them to court. During the next month, they go to court, and the farmers lawyer asks the first girl.

"What were you doing during the time you was inside that field."

The girl replies... "I was blowing bubbles."

The next girl was asked the exact same question, and she replied:

"Blowing bubbles"

The lawyer then goes on to the man and says "let me guess, you were blowing bubbles too."

And the man replies:

"No, I am Bubbles!"

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