milking machine

milking machine

Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."

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The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animal's skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, "Springbok." Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, "And it was shot with a .22 rifle."

He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.

He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion." Fingering the bullet hole, he added, "The rifle was a .308"

He was right again! This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didn't get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?"

His wife replied angrily, "From me!"

"What did I do?" he asked.

She replied, "You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, 'Skunk, killed with an ax!'"


A forester is very much bored with his job in the forest mountains. He is bored because he hasn't had sex for many years. He decides to go down to the valley to look for females. Before going down, he promises himself to have sex with the first female he should meet on the way. He then embarks on his journey and in a short time happens upon a female horse.

He just can't control his urge for sex, so he says to himself , "I'll fuck this horse because I just can't wait anymore."

He chases and chases and chases the horse but cannot catch it. While chasing, he hears a voice crying for help. He immediately runs to the source of the voice, where he sees a man trying to rape a woman. He hurries to help her and is successful.

In return for his heroic behavior, the woman says, "For saving me from that sex maniac, name your price, and I'll pay it. Anything. I mean, anything."

The man replies, "Really? Are you sure? Anything?"

When the woman says yes, he excitedly says, "Come on, help me chase that horse!"

Neat trick

There was a little boy playing in his front yard, and his grandpa was sitting on the porch watching his grandson play.

The grandfather saw the little boy pull a worm out of the ground, so the grandfather went up to his grandson and said, "Hey son, I'll give you five dollars if you can stick that worm back into the hole you pulled it out of."

The little boy thought it would be easy enough, so he tried. After awhile, the boy was about to give up, but suddenly he ran inside and got a can of his grandmother's hair spray. He sprayed it all over the worm and let it dry and then he stuck it back into the hole.

The grandpa said, "Well, boy that's a neat trick, here's your five dollars."

The next day, the little boy was playing again, and the grandfather came up to him and handed him another five dollars. The little boy said, "What is this for?"

The grandfather said, "Your grandmother thought it was a neat trick too!"

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